Dogs

•  Nice but dim (or so cats think anyhow!).

•  Active and talkative (= yappy).

•  Loyal and fun.

Dogs love their owner, and are generally happy with the simple things in life. They love walks and runs in the park, in the woods, in the field. A lot love chasing a stick, playing with a ball, jumping into the water and making a mess. They're loyal, obedient (if you train them) and full of fun.

They'll do tricks for you because they want to please you, they'll slobber on you and when you come home they really will be happy to see you. They need to be walked, but then again you need the walk so that's fine.

You have to clean up their poos, but that's ok because it smells nice. Why else would dogs smell each other's bottom the first time they meet, and why else would they spend 20 minutes twice a day licking their own behinds.

Cats

•  Clever but so, so devious.

•  Lazy (because they are conserving energy for what's important (food)) and silent (like all good assassins).

•  Loyal (to themselves and their own species) and with a wicked sense of humour…..

Cats love themselves, and their comfort, they'll lie around all day and look pretty. They'll give you joy by waking you up in the morning by sitting on your head (looking for food), rubbing around your legs and purring (looking for food), meowing when you come home (looking for food).

They'll make you feel great because they have, after careful consideration & comparison with alternative residencies, and much deliberation with the local Feline Accommodation Advisory Committee, decided to allow you to live in their house and let you think you are their ‘owner'. Little do you know!

They will present you with a rabbit, bird, rat or mouse, every so often, to show you they are still deadly and lethal hunters. They do this mostly to keep you in your place and let you know they can kill you, any time they want to (or are ordered by the local commander of the Feline Liberation Army).